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3 Ways To Communicate To Your Kids They Matter

Three quick ideas to inspire you to some proactive parenting.

Parenting success isn’t about one or two moments.

Great parents don’t just stumble into success.  Parenting is hard.  And parenting joy and success is found in small gestures repeated thousands of times.

So for today, here are just three quick ideas to elevate your communication to your kids that they matter.

  1. Your Calendar.  I just went through my calendar for the next six months and added a lunch once per week with one of my kids.  These may never be deleted.  They can be moved to any day Monday through Thursday that week.  But, deleting one is a non-negotiable.  Some people have to wait weeks to get an appointment on my calendar.  But my kid’s never will.  They will grow up and knowing that they made it on my busy calendar first.  They got to have lunch with me once a week.  And, just me.  We take 1 picture with my phone of us out, and then the phone goes in airplane mode.  Don’t make your kids compete with your email or Facebook.
  2. Contact.  Never leave or enter your house without the last and first things being a gentle touch, hug, kiss etc along with eye contact and a kind word.
  3. Brag on them.  Let your kids hear you talking them up.  Not about their jump shot or their last dance routine, but a character issue.  Don’t brag about what they do, but who they are.  If you make a bigger deal about what they do, than who they are….they are going to think that you care more about what they can accomplish over how they accomplish what they do.

What do you do to create repeatable moments that connect you and your kids?

I’d love to hear your idea or thoughts on Facebook.

 

22 Parenting Goals To Raise Great Kids

Do you want your kids to behave?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Me to. We all want our kids to behave.

Do you know this isn’t a goal however?  In fact, having “kids that behave” as a goal will only lead to great frustration that will lead to anger.

Anger is the result of a blocked goal.  Goals that rely on others are desires.

We have lots to desire for our kids, we desire for them to behave, choose good friends, want a relationship with Jesus, and so on.  But, since we can’t make our kids choose these things…they are desires not goals.

So, we have to set goals that help us achieve our desires.

With mindset shift, you will see a significant decrease in your anger, because your goals will be properly placed.  Below our suggested starting points for goals you can use or alter for your goals.

These goals all: 

  • rely only on you to achieve them,
  • rely on the truth that more is caught than is taught, and
  • will help you parent your kids into positive decision making machines….one day.

TIPS AND SUGGESTIONS:

Desire: Kids have great marriages:

Goals:

  • Treat your spouse every day with love and respect.
  • Tell your spouse daily you love them and one reason why…in front of the kids.
  • Talk positively about your spouse in front of your kids when your spouse isn’t around.
  • Be intentional about your marriage…more than you were about the wedding.

Desire: Kids have a good work ethic:

Goals:

  • Talk about the benefits of work.  Such as having a sense of purpose, money to live on, give, save and have fun with.
  • Don’t gossip about your boss or others at work.
  • If you don’t like your job, change it.  Live your dream responsibly   Your kids will do the same one day.

Desire: Have good friends:

Goals:

  • Hang out once a week with good family friends.
  • Don’t gossip about your friends.
  • Talk about the impact your friends are having on your life.

Desire: Have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Goals:

  • Go to a Bible-teaching healthy church.
  • Don’t complain about the pastor or people at church.
  • Don’t just do church on Sunday…live a love relationship with Jesus Christ every day.
  • Read the Bible and pray as a family.
  • Don’t punish your kids with church, youth group, reading the Bible, etc.
  • Don’t tell your kids that “going to youth will help/fix you”.  Jesus does that, not youth group.

Desire: Raise generous kids.

Goals:

  • Do mission work with your kids.
  • Tithe. And pray about your tithe with your children.
  • Let your kids choose what they want to give a portion of their money to.  It doesn’t have to be Sunday School…in fact, it probably shouldn’t be.

Desire: Kids that choose clean entertainment.

Goals:

  • Don’t watch a TV show or movie you wouldn’t let your kids watch.  This just shows your kids that one day they can stop worrying about protecting their minds and hearts from being corrupted by unhealthy things.

Desire: Kids that have character and tell the truth.

Goals:

  • Never ask your kids to tell little white lies for you. For example, when the phone rings don’t say….”If it’s for me, I’m not home.”
  • Don’t lie.
  • Check out the Character Growth Chart, it’s designed to help develop character in our kids that measures up.

 ACTION YOU CAN TAKE RIGHT NOW:

  • In your Bible, in a journal, in Evernote, anywhere really….start a list of desires that you have for your kids future.  Then, you can start figuring out goals to set to give these desires the best chance they can have.
  • Don’t have time right now to do this.  Email me when you’d like to be reminded to work on it.  I’ll email you a reminder and follow up with you to see how it’s going.

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A Simple Lifehack to Be More Present During Family Time

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I’m writing this post on my iPhone. Why? I guess because it’s about my phone.

I was struggling with a self control issue….nothing new for me.

I struggle to keep my hands, eyes and thoughts off my social media and blog stats.

I love engaging with my online community.

Plus, we are trying to expand our online community. My wife, and I have a big project we are putting together. It will help parents have more fun in their parenting, make family fun easier and equip parents with tools to build their children’s character. (I can’t wait to tell you more about it in the next couple of months)

With all that going on, a full time career I’m dedicated to in Christian camping and conferencing….I need to be completely focused during our family time. I also have a goal to be “unplugged” once a week when I practice the spiritual discipline of a Sabbath.

I had been utterly failing at both of these goals, until recently.

What has been helping…

  1.  Using Do Not Disturb function on iPhone and iPad to turn off notifications from Twitter and my blog Comments.
  2. I created a folder I called iFamily & iSabbath. I dragged the apps into that folder that I needed to remind myself not to look at during certain times. I was surprised the first several days how many times I grabbed my phone out of habit to check stats, comments, etc.
  3. I don’t open this folder during predetermined times.
  4. I tell my wife when these times are.

If you don’t struggle with self-control.  This will sound silly to you.  But for me, it’s a lifehack I need.

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