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One day our kids will move out of our homes…at least that’s the plan, right?

Protect Your Marriage From Your Kids

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at

The day after our kids move out, will we look at our spouse and wonder who this stranger is in our home?

According to a white paper, The Grey Divorce Revolution, from research done at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, the diverse rate for couples over the age of 50 doubled from 1990 to 2010. 1 in 4 married couples are now getting divorced after the age of 50.

For many couples, the focus and, dare I say…”distraction“…of raising kids keeps them from dealing with the little issues that come up in any relationship. So, by the time the kids leave the house…mom and dad are strangers to one another.

People change over time. Couples who don’t change with each other, change apart from each other. Tweet That

Proactive parenting leads to meaningful marriages that last. By being proactive in your parenting as a couple you are being proactive in your marriage. Growing a family that last takes work and intentional effort. In other words, great families happen by design.


Don’t Let An Empty Nest Become A Nest With Unrest



  1. Don’t focus on the kids more than the marriage. Parenting shouldn’t be looked at as something you only do for a season and when it’s over then you’ll have time to work on your marriage. You might hate this statement, but my wife comes before my kids.
  2. Focus on goals in raising kids verses desires. Anger is the result of blocked goals. Set smart goals to avoid being angry. Check out this previous blog post about Goals Vs Desires.
  3. Have a parenting meeting with your spouse on a regular basis. Marissa and I are just starting this. We have coffee one morning every week before the kids are up. During this time we are intentional to talk only about our kids and our parenting only.
  4. Be on the same page with every parenting decision. And, I mean every single decision…probably not in detail…but in theory. Let me explain real quick. My wife, Marissa, doesn’t consult me about what to give the kids for lunch or dinner. However, we have still agreed on the type of food our kids will eat. We’ve talked about and agreed on what they won’t eat, how much they should eat, when we introduce new foods, etc. We’ve agreed to never use food as a punishment. We’ve agreed to never cook separate food for dinner for the kids while we eat something “healthy” just because they would prefer processed food. We work to agree on the theory behind our parenting decisions so we are making decisions in the absence of each other that is consistent. We do this for the sake of our kids, and so we don’t get into fights over conflicting decisions.
  5. Date your spouse.
  6. Do lots of things together as a family.
  7. Help your kids say no to every opportunity to experience something new. We have to be careful that we don’t raise our children to be experience rich yet relationally pour.
  8. Vacation with and without the kids.
  9. Send the kids to a week of summer camp at the same time and do something special as a couple during that week.
  10. Do something together every evening after the kids go to bed. Pray, watch a TV show, do a devotional, play a board or video game, etc. Just do something together.


  • Schedule a date night.  If you want some help making this happen; check out my free eBook about dating your spouse.
  • Start having a weekly parenting conversation. You can download a Proactive Parenting Conversation Agenda Here
  • Identify a married couple that are empty-nesters and their marriage is still thriving. Ask them to mentor you and your spouse. Get together once a month with them and talk about parenting and marriage.
  • Plan something fun to do together as a family in the next two weeks.



Question: How do you and your spouse keep your relationship a priority? What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from another couple further along in life than you are?  Give a shout out to a couple that has mentored you and you appreciate.

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